Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
