I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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