My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
