We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
