First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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