Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
