Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We won't sleep together?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
