Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
