Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
