I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
