FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
