Yo dont text me then not text me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
