i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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