Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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