I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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