I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
