you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
