Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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