brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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