Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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