just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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