do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
