Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
