did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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