My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
