apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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