my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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