I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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