I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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