um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
