You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
