He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Boobs speak an international language.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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