it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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