the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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