I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
