dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
