So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
