He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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