I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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