shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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