If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
