Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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