"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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