I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
