Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
