went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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