i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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