How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
