Ambien. No doubt about it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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