Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
