I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
