so that wasnt chicken after all
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
