??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
