That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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